Blac Chyna, a former stripper now turned business woman and model, is the latest target of respectability politics at the hands of her ex-fiance and daughter’s father- Rob Kardashian and the general public.
I’m sure that some folks are scratching their heads as to why I mentioned that Blac Chyna is a former stripper. That was intentional. How many of you turned your noses up? How many of you stopped viewing her as a human being- a woman, a mother? Someone deserving of respect?
Blac Chyna hasn’t done anything that hasn’t been done since the beginning of time. Perhaps the sting is she beat white women at their own game. The Kardashian sisters and Kris Jenner were never here for her although they’ve spent the better part of their adult lives doing exactly what she did. White women “marry up” while black women “use”. Somehow, a 17-year old white girl with a penchant for dating and fucking black rappers isn’t problematic. I am sure she’s an upgrade for those types like Travis Scott, Tyga and PartyNextDoor. And Khloe and Kim have made their rounds too. Clearly, being white buys all kinds of passes for fuckery. We don’t talk about the miles on their vaginas but Blac Chyna is expected to be the “Saint of All Ye Holy Black Vaginas”.
And their precious, sloppy drug-addicted loser of a son/brother somehow deserved a woman “better” than a black, ex-stripper with a son by their daughter’s now ex-boyfriend, Tyga.
Rob Kardashian did what most men and even women do when Blac Chyna made a conscious decision to be selfish.
When WE take control of our own destinies, folks make it a point to bring up what they deem to be the worst in us. Our sexual behavior and attitudes. Our daring to not give a fuck!
A false narrative was created that said black women should consider the feelings of others while offering unrelenting support and gratitude to these same people often times at the expense of our own sanity. Being ourselves for fear of how it will look to others drives us to sit in silence and accept what OTHERS think we should have versus going after what we desire.
These same assholes point fingers in hopes to denigrate and shame black women to fit in their judgmental boxes while engaging in the same behaviors behind closed doors.
I have lived it.
Many people know the story of how I met my husband. Others may not. The women, who my husband calls family, spent YEARS attempting to shame me for dating my husband. I dated his “brother” first. Yes, we had sex. Lots of it. Get over it.
And then I saw my husband. He was everything. He asked me out even knowing I had dated his “brother”. Apparently, loyalty wasn’t an issue at that point. I even gave dude the courtesy of “asking him” if he had a problem with me going out with my husband.
He said, “No.”
The look on his face said otherwise but that was not my portion so I kept it moving. Al and I moved forward and THEN it was an issue.
Somewhere, it was determined that the onus of not coming between two grown ass men fell on me. We were all adults. I didn’t owe either one of them anything. Still don’t to this day. And if being loyal to one another meant that I had to help them accomplish this feat, they were shit out of luck.
Apparently, MY vagina made the women in this dysfunctional ass family angry too. They (well one bitch in particular) tried to convince my husband that I wasn’t worthy of his love because of my connection to the miscellaneous dude who I hadn’t thought about since I stopped dealing with him- among other things.
With all the dirt and skeletons that existed in that space, you’d have thought that these people would have worked on improving themselves rather than be worried about why my husband loved AND married me.
I think my husband low-key appreciated my “IDGAF” attitude.
Here’s the thing.
People project their insecurities onto others. It is important to recognize that. Also, it is critical to understand that many folks are uncomfortable with self-assured, assertive black women especially given the history of keeping black women oppressed.
Our progression depends on sisters not feeling guilty or being ashamed about taking control of our happiness, our wealth, our bodies and our voices.